Help is on the way

Help is on the way

I’m searching through so many mixed emotions currently swirling inside of me. I’m fighting against myself and those self defeating thoughts that no doubt are trying to make an entrance. I’m trying to remember just who in the fuck I am. I’m trying not to drown. Even though I feel as if I am...I feel as if I keep finding my head underwater, I’m taking in so much water. It’s getting harder and harder to breathe by the day.  Yet, I hold on. I’m reaching out and asking for help. Something I’m not really good at, but it’s vital that I do. I reached out to my brother, I clung to his shirt and I just held on and cried. I needed to feel something...I needed to feel arms around me, I just wanted to hear that everything’s going to be ok from a voice other than my own. I’m tired. That is no secret, but I persevere. I keep moving. Like, I read earlier “If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” Which is a quote from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. 

I do whatever it is that I have to do to keep moving in some way, most times I don’t understand the how, or why, but in the end it always works out. You’ve just gotta keep the faith, that even when it doesn’t feel like everything will turn out ok...that without rhyme or reason...it just will. Things have a way of falling apart, but things also have a way of coming back together in the most beautiful ways. That you’d never would have thought chaos had been present before. I have to think of myself in that way, I am unbecoming so that I can become who I truly am. All this pain, and all the struggles I endure only strengthen my human condition. I am more me, more human because I know what darkness is. I know more than ever I need to be surrounded by friends and family. I need to be immersed in the love I know is all around me. That I never turn away from people, but continue to reach my hand out towards them. Connection. We all need connection. Everything is going to be ok. xx